You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the
timer.
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even
work there.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
When someone says, "How are you?"; you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a
coffee can.
Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to
get you in the mood.
You help your dog chase its tail.



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